Hello magical souls and welcome to The Soul’s Human Experience Podcast.
I thought we could kick off the official show topics by talking about manifesting when it involves another person. Which is kind of ironic in a way because I don’t consider myself a manifestation coach, per se nor do I consider that to be my main content. But I don’t think there’s much out there when it comes to manifesting with someone else even though there’s an ocean of manifestation information out there. If you’re not in a relationship and don’t ever plan to be or your actions don’t affect anyone else, then you can skip this episode and go to the next one. But if you are in a relationship or plan to be then you’ll definitely want to hear this, and I wish someone had prepared me with this information. As a very independent person, I went through a lot of growing pains when it came to sharing my life with someone else. But this specifically was something I personally struggled with a few years ago as I was navigating being married but also continuing to manifest the life that I wanted to have. So I wanted to talk about it because there are many people who are in relationships or maybe have children, or anyone else who would be directly affected by the life you create. I think especially when it involves your partner. This has been on my mind again lately because if you don’t know, I’ve been married for five years, and my husband and I are actually coming up on the anniversary of our first date this month which was EIGHT years ago. I cannot believe it. So we’ve been together for eight years, lived together for six, and married for five. And I think I know a little bit at this point about manifesting when it involves someone else. Because when you’re in a relationship, you always have to be considerate of the fact that there is someone else intricately intertwined with you and your life and the decisions that you make and the things you want to happen.
So what if you don’t agree? What if you want different things? What if your partner doesn’t necessarily disagree with what you want or you do want the same thing but also doesn’t really believe in your ability to create it and this whole woo-woo way of going about it? That is what I want to address in this episode.
The first thing to know, and I cannot stress this enough not only in relation to this topic but also just in general, everyone is on their own journey. That means what you want is going to be different than what someone else wants, the timing for the seasons of your life is going to be different than it is for others. Everyone is going at their own pace, figuring out their one-of-a-kind unique human experience in their own way. I’m not going to lie, it can be difficult to honor that. So we have to keep reminding ourselves that when someone thinks or acts differently than us, that that is part of their journey and that is right for them. Just like your journey is right for you. And you just kind of have to accept that and let it be as it is because you can’t force someone off the path they’re supposed to be on.
Ok, so that is what you cannot do. Let’s talk about what you CAN do.
What you can do is continue to hold the vision of what you want. That’s number one. This is very much like you do you. I’m a big proponent of always putting yourself first, putting your peace and happiness first, basically no matter what. So if there is something that you really want and you know in your heart that it’s meant for you, then keep going after it. Stay in your lane and keep going. Because when you do that one of two things are going to happen. Either you’re going to succeed, and the other person is going to be on board-they’ll accept it at that point, or you’re going to succeed and be faced with a choice. It might not be as extreme of choosing your partner of choosing your manifestation, because I think there’s a lot of room in the middle there for compromise and creative solutions and all that, you know but it could be. It could be that extreme if what you want is a deal breaker for your partner and you need to know that and be prepared for that.
I want to share a personal story that relates to this and it’s kind of a vulnerable one because I understand how it could be seen as shallow by some people. But it’s really a story of honoring yourself. My husband and I used to live in a really small apartment-it was basically a studio and he was perfectly happy there. He grew up in Europe and has no issue with small minimalist spaces. Whereas I’d consider myself to be more of a maximalist, and if I don’t have enough space to move I can feel a bit suffocated. So there came a point where I was like ok I cannot live this way for the rest of my life so I made the decision to manifest a bigger living space, and he was either going to be on board with it-great, or he was not, and that was just the reality. He wasn’t necessarily against moving or anything just that he didn’t have to share the same want that I did when it came to this. But I knew that was the right thing to do regardless, even though of course I wanted it to all work out and I was open to a middle ground as well. And it did work out. I held the vision, and it took me a while to manifest a new space, probably because there was some energy of resistance around it, but eventually it happened. Surprisingly, it was pretty seamless too, because I had found somewhere and wasn’t sure how he would react, but it turned out to be non-eventful. He was like, okay sounds good. So miracles do happen, but that’s a topic for a whole other episode. So part of that process of me holding the vision was honoring what I felt was the right choice to make, and also of course wanting him to be a part of it but in a non-controlling, detached way that let him be completely free too.
I think it’s also very helpful to keep in mind that we don’t always know what we want to know what’s best for us. In between that time of me trying to manifest a new place for us, we had the opportunity to move down the hall where we lived. I was on board but my husband talked me out of it. I was really pissed at the universe and felt super betrayed by it, but that apartment was not meant for us. Something better was on the way already and I just didn’t know about it yet. And so I just kept saying that to myself, something better is coming. I am pretty sure that if we had moved down the hall we’d still be there, and I’d definitely prefer where I am now so in hindsight I’m very glad we didn’t do it. I wish I could go back and tell myself to not be upset about it and say that it’s a good thing even though it doesn’t seem like it. Several times in my life that I can think of where I wish I could go back and say to the younger me that it’s going to be okay and not to worry so much. I guess I shouldn’t say I wish because if you think about the fact that we don’t really know what time is, and that energy transcends what we think of as time, then you could absolutely comfort the younger version of you. I will often send Reiki to the past version of me because that healing energy isn’t bound by time or space. It can go directly back or forward for that matter and do that. If anyone has a good guided meditation suggestion for comforting your past self let me know.
Anyway back to not knowing what you want, if you’re a student of a course in miracles then you might be familiar with this lesson I’m about to talk about, which is lesson 24, and it says, I do not perceive my own best interests. Which is pretty self-explanatory but basically means that your mind or your ego thinks it always knows what it wants and that it knows what’s best, and how things should go, but your ego has tunnel vision in comparison to what your soul can see. Your soul can see the big picture, I mean after all, it planned for you to come here and have this experience. So no, your ego has a very limited view of what it thinks it wants. I find this lesson very helpful whenever I find myself caught up in trying to control something. It’s a good reminder that we don’t always know what’s best for us. Our soul knows what’s best for us and we have to trust in and surrender to that.
And by the way, let me know if you’re interested in a course in miracles and I can break that down in the future.
I also want to mention the law of assumption. You can also use the law of assumption in your favor and that just means that what you assume to be true is what will be reflected back to you in your reality. So for example, if you believe or assume that nothing good ever happens, that is what you’re going to experience. You believe it to be true and so it is. And vice versa, if you believe that you are a super lucky person, then your human experience is going to be filled with luck because you’re assuming that it is. That is your belief. The only tricky thing about the law of assumption in my opinion is that it works on your beliefs which are often subconscious. So you need to be really mindful about what you believe to be true so that you’re not accidentally getting what you don’t want. Definitely check out my website for more on subconscious work which can help sooo much with this.
So all of these things apply too if you’re with someone who isn’t really convinced or on board with the whole manifesting, co-creation thing. Like maybe you do want the same or similar things but they believe in hard work or “realistic” means. Like I said, I don’t think you should be in the business of convincing, but the best way to do that without doing it, is to simply show them. Just casually and naturally. Demonstrate it. Live what you believe and you will be the best evidence. Because trying to force or change someone else is not something you should ever do. Quite frankly, it can be unethical in my opinion because the energy of you doing that could mess with their free will. Let’s take a pretty benign example like say you want to have pizza for dinner and your partner wants to have sushi and they’re adamant that they don’t feel like eating pizza. But you feel just the opposite so you visualize them eating pizza and keep putting energy behind them and the pizza until you manifest the pizza and they’re like oh I’m so glad we got pizza instead. Ok well, that’s because you totally manipulated their energy about it. This is a silly example of course but I’m sure you get the idea.
The best approach you can take is to stay in your lane and show them what’s possible by what YOU do for you.
I also want to mention that I think it’s quite common to have energy ebbs and flows in a relationship or household. And whoever has the more powerful energy will be the dominating energy, So if you allow someone else’s resistance to overpower you, that is going to be the dominating energy. And if you 100% believe in what you’re doing and going after, then you will have the dominating energy. Any resistance simply isn’t going to affect you as much if you keep the faith in what you’re doing. Just something to keep in mind as you go forward.
To recap, when it comes to manifesting when someone else is involved, remember that everyone is on their own journey, that cannot be rushed or changed, and when you surrender to that then there will be no more resistance or friction in the way. Hold the vision of what you want when you feel strongly about it, and assume and believe in the best-case scenario.
I think it would be really fun to answer your questions here and there at the end of the episodes. Maybe you have a question about something specific or maybe you want advice on a situation. I am here to help you, so please submit your question to hello@annaschlinghoff.com for a chance for your question to be featured and answered by me on the show in a future episode.
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode and I’ll see you in the next one.